I am happy, content and safe knowing that I don’t paint my future alone, but am on a journey set out for me.

I am a believer. I am a believer in Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I’m a believer in His presence in my life, on this earth, in our world.

I am not naive. I know there are times when it’s easier to be cynical…which I think I am becoming these days.

Finally, I am hurting. There is no other remedy, no other peace, no other forgiveness and comfort that can even begin to make my hurt feel better than believe in Christ.

I know this may set some of you off, may make you not want to read my blog anymore and that is ok. I don’t want you to feel like I’m preaching to you. But in order for me to be more authentic, to be more honest in my writings and to give you a way of keeping me accountable, I think this deep, engrained identify of mine is something you should know about.

As I learn to deal with my own pains, hurts, resentments of past experiences, I’ve decided to start a new Bible study. Well…I shouldn’t say “new” because it’s honestly been quite a while since I did one. So, I’m starting a Bible study, actually two. The one I’m doing on my own is called Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore.

I just did lesson 1, part 1. I watched the video, and did the book work. I feel a revolution coming on.

Recently, for one reason or another I’ve begun to harden myself. You know that feeling you get when you have to deal with something but instead you hide it away, you let it fester but you think “if I hold on to it, then I don’t have to tell anyone about it, and it can be my own. Sure it hurts, but no one else has to hear about it, deal with it or pretend to pity me. So I’ll hold on to it.”

Because I begin to see how destructive this mindset is, because I’ve begun to make bad decisions so that I don’t have to feel hurt, I realize I need help. I need life, I need forgiveness and I need humbling. So I was a bible book store and saw this study and read the back and almost started crying right there. I knew it’s what I needed, I knew that Beth would be a vessel of Christ to speak truth into my life; truth, grace and forgiveness.

I don’t plan on using this blog to preach to you or anything, but as I’m the one writing, I’m going to take you along this new journey with me. I’m not ready to share every vulnerability with you, but I’ll be glad to share with you the relief that I am beginning to feel as Christ takes over my life, and I begin to see what He has in store for me, despite myself.

This study is based on Jesus’ disciple, John. Christ called him and his brother James the Sons of Thunder. I think this is awesome! I feel like a little bit of thunder is beginning in me. I’m passionate, I’m passionate about my hurt and want to scream about it. Christ wants to take that passion, harness it and use it to bring him glory. What a relief! To realize I don’t have to change my passion, just learn to define it as Christ made it rather than how I conceive it is so thrilling and redeeming.

If you get a chance, or if this seems at all interesting, I’d love it if’ you’d join me on this study. I don’t think i can write much about the curriculum on here, because it’s so deep, requires so much study, but it’s totally affordable and I can already tell that it’s worth it.

You can find the book here. And the video downloads here.

Lovies!

PS. I know I still owe you an explanation about Mexico AND halloween at Starbucks, but I need to get some errands done so those will come later today…I promise!