We left off here:

Then a white Suburban pulled up. The window rolled down. And a part of my distorted past called out my name surrounded by a haze of cigarette smoke. My stomach dropped and I knew these past 10 minutes would be all that I’d get to enjoy with this handsome man I thought could be my husband some day.

They really did call out my name too. There was a kid, Theo* from my school who had been kicked out after 8th grade. He had gotten pretty heavily into drugs. I remember he came to a basketball game one time and started talking to me about how that there is this super old book called “The Elephant Book” or something, that talks about the point of the earth, why we’re all here and how we were born on the backs of turtles. Like I said, his brain was mush. He was in the car with a guy I had a fling with about a year and a half earlier.

Naph and I walked up to the car and I introduced the boys to the cutest guy I’d never have a chance with now. They invited us to go party with them that night and I was so embarrassed. As far as I know Naph had never done anything like that in his life and was probably wondering what type of girl he had gotten mixed up with. I, in my fantastic fake ghetto accent that I get sometimes, declined. If you’re wondering what that sounds like it would go something like:

“Hey boooys. No thanks. We gotsta bounce. Maybe we’ll hitchu up next time aight?”

No but seriously…sometimes I talk like that. I still do. The black people I work with laugh at me.

We said our goodbyes and they took off. Like I said before we were about a block and a half away from home and I felt like it would be the longest walk ever. I just wanted to run and lock myself in my room. I was so embarrassed. I really thought I had turned my life around, but would the past never give up? Would I have to justify my actions to people forever? Would the man of my dreams even want to talk to me beyond a polite conversation now that he knows what type of guys I used to hang out with?

Then within a split second, I gave up. I just decided “Whatever, we’re graduating in two months anyway. I’ll never see him after that, so this whole thing isn’t even worth waisting my time or my feelings. Why am I getting so worked up about this when it should be no sweat off my back since I’ll never see him again?! He’ll just be another person I lost this year, but we didn’t really know each other so I won’t be hurt over this crap.”

Obviously I was getting a little indignant.

And I tend to over exaggerate a little.

We walked a couple feet, when he asked, “So who were those guys?”

He didn’t ask, “Who were THOSE guys?”

Or, “What was that all about? Those guys were out of their minds wasted.”

There wasn’t an ounce of judgment. He just simply wanted to know.

So I replied, in my fantastically elusive way, “Um…my past.”

“Yeah, how so?”

Seriously boy? I thought. Now I have to tell you about this drama? Ok. I’ve got nothing to loose. We aren’t even really that close when you think about it.

“Um, well. I used to go out on weekends with one of them, and the other one was sort of a fling for a while. Like a flavor of the week.” (Sorry Mom, I know this is news to you ) “Anyways, I’m different now. I regret those decisions but I learned good lessons and that’s not who I am anymore.” There…that should cover it right? No more need for explanation or descriptions right?

But he wanted to know more. He wanted to know what I’d really been saved from. He was taking an interest not just so he could go gossip to his pals and the other people in our class, but he really just wanted to know. So I told him. I told him more than I’ve ever told anyone else in all my life.

I know this sounds ridiculous, or even slightly romantic. But you need to understand that earlier that year my best friend in the States had ditched me after she knew my whole life, my friends in Ecuador ditched me for various reasons, and I felt that, for once, someone deserved to hear my story from me, not the 20 other people who thought they knew it, or me, or my story. So I told him everything, I cried a bit and shared a little of my anger. But he took it all in. He just listened and walked beside me.

By the time I finished we had arrived back at our dorm and taken up residence on the basement couch.

We sat in silence for a moment and then he said something like, ” You know, I’m not all that innocent myself. I’ve made mistakes, I have my regrets.” And then he opened up his life to me. He shared things with me no one else knew. He finally let himself get close to someone in this country, in this school, in this dorm that was so different from where he’d been for the past 18 years.

So it was done. We knew everything about each other. If there wasn’t some type of connection there, at least we knew we would be closer friends. We could make it through the next couple months and know they wouldn’t be as hard as the previous few now that we had each other as allies.

(Now, like I said before, we were sitting on a couch. I was on one end with my feet up facing him, and he was on the other with his feet up facing me. This is important. Remember this.)

After a minute or so of silence where we took in the fact that we now were completely vulnerable, Naphtali started off the conversation that changed everything.

“So remember the other day at the basketball game when you offered to get me pizza from the dorm?”

” Yesh.” (I also remember being overly flirtatious and then thinking about how much of a fool I was.)

” Well after you left, Alvin* asked me if I liked you. He asked if I’d ever pursue a relationship with you. What do you think about that?”

Abuhhhhhhhhhhh.

“Um…..I’m praying about it?” Seriously Alyssa, this is all you can come up with? This boy is telling you that he has considered having a relationship with you at least since last Tuesday and all you can say is “um, I’m praying about it?!”

He got a clever little smirk on his face.

“Ok, that’s great. But what do you think about it?”

“Um, well. I’m praying about it.”

” Right. I respect that. But what else do you think about it?”

By this time I had gotten so flushed and flustered that I had successfully untied his shoes and retied them three times, and then untied them and tied them to each other.

I couldn’t believe that I had just shared the dirtiest parts of my life and now this boy was saying he liked me. Seriously? This isn’t how it was suppose to go. I don’t deserve this type of redemption. I’m used up, I’m not worth it. Did he not hear anything I said? No, I know he did or else he wouldn’t have shared his dirty laundry. So this must be what grace looks like.

” I just, um. I think that we are graduating in two months and may never see each other again.”

” Thats a good point. Stop messing with my shoes. That doesn’t answer my question. What do you think about being in a relationship with me? Do you like me?”

Crap.

Seriously with the direct questions dude? Seriously?!

” Well, I…I um…well I’ve liked you for quite a while.”

He smiled so wide and so brilliantly, my heart melted.

Then the were footsteps coming down the staircase. Heavy steps. Like that of our dorm dad. Yikes.

*I’ve been watching The Cosby show so my characters will have their names :0)