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Thursday, February 9th, 2012
Oh Baby Girl, we are meeting you in about 4 weeks!
Our world is about to change vastly. Little darling, do you know the change you bring? Your Mommy and Daddy will go from a team of two, to a strong cord of three. With time, we’ll build our home to four, then five, maybe all the way to eight!
You bring the appreciation of sleep! I already feel my body storing up for the exhaustion it’s going to weather next month. Knowing that per our choice of delivering you naturally, I will go through an average of 15-28 hours of labor – hard work, determination, relaxation of my muscles, persistence of one goal, to birth you into this world clear minded and aware. Thinking of this huge fete is exhausting, but rewarding. I am excited, nervous, intimidated, anxious to see it all happen. Then my sweet darling, when you are here, I will sleep for milliseconds. I’ll want to see you every second, hold you, feed you, cuddle you just to know you’re mine all mine….and your daddy’s too. This is a tide that will not soon change. After you will come another and sleep will be a rare commodity.
You bring the depths of faith. We weren’t prepared to start a family now. We weren’t prepared to think of how we would even buy you a crib. But our sweet, caring, loving Father knew what was going on long before us and He has provided! I expect Him to provide so much more because my heart is weak and finds fear an easier ally than faith. I know you bring worry to me as Mommy, but I hope that that is paralleled and overcome with Faith. How helpful, and reassuring it is to know that even when I will fail you, Jesus will hear you and hold you and guide you. And He will guide me and your Daddy too. We can’t figure this out on our own, we know His love for our success is what pushes us to be good to you. So we have faith that He will give us what we need to worry less, and hope more.
Little girl, with you comes joy! How can I express the depths my heart has grown with every time you hiccup, and kick, and nudge and wake me up at night to run to the bathroom? You are a new creation. You are unheard of on this earth, you’ve never existed before but you do now and you will have such an impact on those around you. What joy to get to be your Mommy, your adult. What joy that I will get to hear your first squeal of laughter, and watch you crawl and see you walk and hear you talk and tear up a little when I hear your little prayers. I wait with deep anticipation for each new discovery you will make that will make our world richer and deeper and more meaningful and more profound.
With you comes the necessity of teamwork. Your Daddy and I love each other, we love to work hard together. We clean together, pray together, fight together, make up together . We dream together and discuss together. We figure out where we actually stand on ideas and scripture and morals and ethics and how we will be as parents with each other. We will have to do that tenfold now that you are coming. Things we haven’t even thought of yet will be challenged. We will disagree but we will seek the best answer as a team to make you a better person.
You bring awareness to us. We are more conscious of the things we say and do and how they will affect you. We are also thinking more and more about the world you are coming into. We are scared for that reason. My little baby girl, this world is going to be so unfair to you. You, as a woman, will have so many challenges. They are distinct, painful, life altering and life wrecking. Boys have and equal amount of difficult challenges. This is what it means to be in the world but not of it, though it will be one of the hardest things you do in your life. I’ve prayed for your heart since before we even thought of having you because I know the challenges your will face that my caring words, my advice and my hugs will not overcome. I will fail you. Your Daddy will fail you. But Jesus won’t. Can you rely on that? Can that be enough for you? I pray so hard that it is. If I think about it too long I begin to feel a panic because I want you to know His love badly, so deeply, that nothing that happens this side of heaven can get in and taint your beautiful little being. Beyond all this, you make me more aware of these desire that my parents had for me. You won’t think these things, mull them over, care about them until your little human comes along and it will change the way you think of your parents.
I heard a lullaby at church the other day. It has become my prayer song for you. I want it to be ingrained on your heart so that you know to Whom you belong. No. Matter. What.
I’ll post it next so it’s not all the way down here but at the beginning, on it’s own. Simple.
I love you my sweet little girl, my first of many.