(7/26/11)

Readers, my darlings.

I am writing a little journal to process all these things going on in my body, in my mind, in my heart and making them letters to my little one. Life has just changed so incredibly that I don’t even feel pregnant, just sick. So I wanted to document things to remember them so when my little one grows up and has a surprise baby on the way, we can sympathize.

Baby.

Today I am extremely sick.

Today I scheduled our first appointment.

Today I watch and episode of Grey’s Anatomy, which is one of Mommy’s favorite shows of all time even though there are some raunchy parts that I’ll never let you watch. Anyways, on that episode they showed a woman hearing her baby’s heart beat for the first time. I cried. That’s going to be your daddy and I on Tuesday. We’re going to hear your heart beat, and we’re going to know that you are real, and that you are our little bean, our little responsibility, our little life changer, our little hope, our little gift of Grace. And most of all, our little reminder that we aren’t in control; you seem like you’re in control of my body (even though we all know that is temporary…right?) but God is in control, no one else. Just Him.

We needed a change, Baby. Mommy and Daddy needed a change. We didn’t have the guts, or the time, or maybe the patience to do it. But God always knew, always had a plan, always was laughing at us when we told people about our detailed and followable “5 year plan.”

Anyways baby. Lots to talk about. Lots to digest. Literally and figuratively, haha.

Your mom thinks she’s funny.

Lovies